True Thankfulness

As I was reflecting on the upcoming holiday, and all that it will bring, I began thinking about the things for which people are typically thankful.  We love to express gratitude for family, friends, relationships, a good job, good health, a nice home, etc.  All of those things are truly blessing from God, and I am thankful for each of them.

However, are we still thankful when we do not have those things?  God’s Word tells us to give thanks in everything, but most of the time, we do not do that – myself included. 

When was the last time you said something like this:

Thank You, Lord, for that person who treats me badly.  I am learning to turn the other cheek.

Thank You for my less-than-good health.  I am learning that Your grace is sufficient.

Thank You for my unemployment.  My faith grows as I learn to rely on You for my daily provision.

Thank You for the people who were not supportive.  I know that You alone are all I need, and that You will never leave me nor forsake me.

Thank You for that criticism, because it means that someone cares enough about me to address something they see in my life that needs to change.

Thank You for this difficult situation because I know You are using it for my good and Your glory.  It has caused me to seek our Your strength and turn to You more often in prayer.

Thank You for allowing this trial in my life.  You will never give me more than I can handle, and I know that one day, I will be able to be an encouragement to others going through the same thing.

Thank You for not answering the prayer I prayed in the way I wanted.  I know that Your will is best for me.

These things are not easy to say, and to give praise in the midst of a trial or difficulty is one of that hardest things I have ever done.  You have to look really hard for the silver lining in that dark cloud that seems to surround you.  But it is there.  I am challenging not only you, but myself as well to look for God’s goodness in everything.  

In everything give thanks.

Unexpected

This week we have had some unexpected things happen.  Some have been good, and some – well, not so good.  On Sunday, the church in which we were ministering gave us money for new truck tires.  This was a great blessing, since our tires have about 80,000 miles on them (they are rated for 60,000 miles), and really needed to be replaced.  We had prayed about this need, and God saw fit to answer in a miraculous way! 

We also had an unexpected side trip – to Montana.  It seems hard to believe, but it is one of the few states we have not visited in our travels.  Another is Hawaii, but I’m not holding my breath for making it there this summer! :)  We were just a few miles away, so we drove into the great state of Montana and had lunch there!  This was the first sign we saw after entering the state.

That’s what I call a great sign!

 

Gotta love the name of this guy – wonder how he got that moniker?  Perhaps indigestion?

We also stopped at the Little Bighorn Museum where George Armstrong Custer met his famous end.  It was a blistering hot day, and as the ranger explained the battle, I could see the tragedy unfolding in my mind.  Abigail, after listening to the story, asked this question: “So, who were the bad guys?”  Let this quote from the memorial wall answer the question.

It is obvious from these quotes that the Indians were only protecting their homes, lands, and freedoms.  The white men were definitely the aggressors and therefore, the “bad guys.”  It was a great opportunity to explain the principles of freedom and the need for its preservation.

Monument to all the fallen soldiers, buried in this mass grave on the top of the hill.

This is where the battle took place, with each white marker representing where a US Cavalry soldier fell.

White markers were placed for the fallen soldiers, and red ones for the fallen Indians.

After our short field trip, we headed back through Wyoming with the plan of heading toward Yellowstone National Park for a few days with our family.  The country is beautiful out here.

However, while driving through the mountains, we had another unexpected event.  Our truck overheated.  Several times.

Cooling down – with the benefit of a magnificent view!

And again…

We ended up turning around and heading back to Sheridan, WY in hopes that we can figure out why the truck is overheating and hopefully fix it (at minimal cost).  In the meantime, our mini-vacation has to be postponed.  We are hoping that we will still have time to go after getting the truck fixed, but right now , all is rather uncertain. 

Here is the scenic overview where we turned around.

I also managed to get some pictures of the kids as they played on the side of the road. They were having a great time, even though we were having truck issues.

Diggin’ in the dirt

Canadian goldenrod

Trying to call for help

Studying the Prairie Field Guide

Love these little guys!

I kinda like these gals, too!  :)

Everybody say, “Cheese and pickles!”

I guess the moral of this story is that unexpected things will happen.  When they are good things, praise the Lord, and when they are not-so-wonderful things, praise the Lord, and enjoy the everyday blessings that He gives us.  I am so thankful for my family, and also for the Lord’s protection and provision. 

On the Border

Ever been to the border? Oh, I don’t mean a geographical border, although those can be fun to visit.  I am talking about the border between right and wrong, between good and best, between faith and feeling.  Those difficult places in which we are forced to face ourselves and make a choice that will alter our lives, sometimes irrevocably. 

I have been on the border many times.  Not too long ago, I stood on the border at Walmart (this is not a corny joke).  Here is the scenario:

I went to Walmart to pick up a few groceries using a gift card.  The gift card did not work, even though it had a balance that more than covered the amount of my purchases.  After numerous employees, managers, and personnel had come over to work their magic on the card, it still refused to scan.  Sigh.  I really would hate to be the person behind me in line.  They ended up keying in the card number and transferring the remaining balance to a new gift card, in hopes that it would work better.  Twenty minutes after scanning my card for the first time, I walked out of the store with my melting ice cream.

Several days later, in another far-off city, I again made some purchases at my less-than-favorite store.  The “new” gift card was pulled out, and the cashier told me that it probably would not scan on the customer side of the register, since the swiper/scanner thing had not been working for several months.  Then he tried to scan my card on the cashier side of the register.  Nada.  I groaned within myself as he swiped again and again, trying in vain to get the card to work.  Frantically swiping my card up and down repeatedly, he called for a manager.  My face felt hot as the people in line behind me began muttering and looking for another, faster-moving line.  After several more attempts, and even keying in the card number, it still didn’t register.  Solution:  let’s move to another register.  The manager transferred my purchases to another register, and told me to come with him.  Guess what?  He put me in front of several people who had moved to avoid being behind me in the previous lane.  {mortified}  They couldn’t believe their bad luck, either.

To make a long story short, I finally got out of the store after a very long check-out process.  I sat in the truck and glanced over my receipt, only to find that I hadn’t paid for one of my items!  Somehow, although they had picked it up and put it in the bag, it had never been scanned.  I checked the bag, to see if it really was in there, then looked at the receipt again.  Nope – definitely not there.  Rats.  I really did not want to go back into the store and go through the whole gift-card fiasco again.  I just wanted to go home!  I felt the nudging of the Holy Spirit telling me to go back and pay for the item.  That is the right thing to do.  “But I don’t want to go back in there,” I protested.  At this point, I was considering just throwing the item out the window into the parking lot and driving away.  Definitely standing on the border.  I decided to compromise.  I will call the store, tell them what happened, and see what they say.  I was hoping that they would just say something like,

“Oh, that’s okay – we overcharge people all the time, so you can just have that inexpensive item on the house.”  Really.  I was hoping that.   

It didn’t happen that way. They told me that I could just bring the item back – and pay for it.  Resignedly, I dragged myself out of the truck, grabbed the item, and went back into the store.  I was greatly relieved when the store entry sirens did not go off as I walked between them.  After another long hassle with the gift card, I walked out of the store with not only my twice-bought, once-paid-for item, but also a clean conscience.  

Sometimes the border is clearly defined, but other times it can be hard to discern through the mist of feelings that we can experience.  I have seen so many people stand on the border and make the wrong choice, and my heart aches for them.  Every choice we make helps determine our direction, and if you cross enough borders, eventually, you will end up somewhere you never intended to be.   The lesson I learned:  when faced with a choice, listen for the leading of the Holy Spirit.  Then follow that leading!  Don’t let your feelings dictate your choices.

When Bad Things Happen to Good Friends

Life has been running rather smoothly for our family the last few weeks, minus a few inconvenient trailer issues, and a couple cases of the sniffles.  School is over for the summer, and we are enjoying our summer break.  The Lord has given us some great meetings, and we are excited about what He is doing.  Sometimes in the euphoria of the “good life,” we can be oblivious to what is happening in the lives of those around us.

This morning, I was reading a blog post by a dear friend of mine, and I found that she had some very unexpected, scary news.  My eyes filled with tears as I read her candid thoughts as she faces this uncertainty.  Her testimony is so precious.  Many people are already praying for her right now, and I know that she is trusting God for grace during this time. 

What is the typical response when a friend goes through a trial?  We assure them that we are praying, and perhaps for a few days or weeks, we do.  Notes, cards, and phone calls fly during the initial stages of whatever the trial may be, but after a while, we get on with our lives, and that person falls by the wayside.  The longer the duration of the trial, the fewer people are around to offer encouragement.  I do not want to be a “fair weather friend” who neglects to pray for my hurting friends when they are in the deepest part of the valley.  Here are a few Biblical ways to help a friend who is going through a trial.

1.  Weep with them that weep. Romans 12:15

2.  Rejoice with them that do rejoice.  - Romans 12:15

3.  Bring them before the Lord in prayer.  - Philippians 4:6; Psalm 62:8

4.  Encourage them in the Lord.  - Colossians 3:16

5.  Remember that God’s way is perfect, even though we may not understand it.  - Psalm 18:30

Sometimes, we do not know what to say to a friend who is hurting deeply.  Many times we do not want to bring up an uncomfortable topic, especially if we have never experienced something similar.  For example, someone long ago said to me, “I always think about Nathan on his birthday, but I don’t want to bring it up and make  you sad.”  My answer was, “I am already thinking about it.  It helps to know that someone else remembers, too.”  Sometimes the elephant in the room needs to be addressed.  Be discerning, and try to do for that friend what you would want someone to do for you in the same situation.  Allow them the freedom to discuss their thoughts and fears.  Assure them of your prayers, and then PRAY  for them.  Every day.  Every time the Lord brings them to mind.  Let them know you are praying from time to time, and that you have not forgotten them.  Knowing that others are praying is such an encouragement, and can lift the spirits like nothing else.

Remembering Nathan–Ten Years

I can hardly believe it has been ten years.  Some days  it seems an eternity ago, and others, it seems as if it was only yesterday.  It was ten years ago that a very difficult pregnancy ended several weeks early, and my second child came into the world.

It was ten years ago, as I lay on the operating table after an emergency C-section, violently shaking with the aftereffects of the anesthesia, that I wondered where my baby was.  I groggily asked the anesthesiologist if it was a boy or a girl, but he wasn’t sure.  I thought that was odd, but in that post-op state of mind, I figured that maybe he just didn’t know.  After a few more minutes, I asked again.  This time, he answered slowly, reluctantly, “It’s a boy, but he is having a hard time breathing.”

It was ten years ago that I began praying for my son, begging God to help him breathe, pleading for the life of my son.

It was ten years ago that God answered my prayer, not with the answer I so desperately wanted to hear, but with a sorrowful, “No, Sarah.  My grace is sufficient for thee.”  As I lay on the table, I knew. My son was not going to live.

It was ten years ago that my husband and I heard the news from the doctor, “Your son has responded to the latest round of treatment, but I’m afraid it is too little, too late.  It will only give you enough time to say goodbye.”

It was ten years ago that I held my dying baby in my arms, touching his tiny face, watching him struggle, and still praying, hoping that God would do a miracle.

It was ten years ago that for the first time, I realized the magnitude of God’s love for me.  I would not have traded my son’s life for any price, if I had had the choice, but God sent His Son, His only beloved Son, to die for me, to taste death in my place, to pay the price for my sin, and not for mine only, but for the sins of the whole world.

It was ten years ago that my husband and I committed the tiny life that God had given us so briefly back to the Giver.  Nathan, our gift, a precious few moments of life committed to our care, left our earthly arms to rest in the eternal arms of Jesus.

It was ten years ago that I entered the valley of the shadow of death.  My world came to a total standstill.  It was the darkest, bleakest time of my life.  The sleepless nights and tearful days became the new “normal.”  The huge, painful lump in my throat became bigger, and finally settled in my chest, making conversation difficult, and laughter impossible.

It was ten years ago that I claimed by faith, God’s promise, “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.”  Faith was the only way I could claim that promise, because I could not envision or even imagine a morning of joy. 

It was ten years ago that I decided I would not give up on God because He had allowed this tragedy in my life.  I read my Bible, prayed, attended church, all the while secretly wanting to slap the next person that quoted Romans 8:28 to me.  Oh, I knew that God did work out all things for my good, but I really didn’t want a verse flippantly quoted to me by someone whose life had never been shattered into pieces.  It sounds scandalous for me to say such a thing, but it is the absolute and candid truth.

It was ten years ago that I began to know and experience, in a whole new way, God’s sustaining grace.  The strength that helped me to get out of bed each day, to care for my young son, Josiah.  The grace to endure thoughtless comments, when all I wanted to do was lash out in hurt.  The grace to see other mothers hold their babies when mine was gone.  The grace to reach out to others when my own grief was so great.

It was ten years ago that God began to give me a deeper compassion for people who are hurting.  Even now, when I hear of the death of a child, a miscarriage, or stillbirth, my heart breaks for those who have lost that precious child, because I know the terrible, overwhelming grief and loss.  I can truly sympathize because I have been there. 

Yes, it was ten years ago that Nathan came into my life.  My life is forever changed because of the hour that I had with him.  The sorrow is still there, but it no longer casts a shadow over everything.  I still cry when I think about my son.  I still miss him and mourn his loss.  I still feel guilty when I say I have four children, rather than five, simply because I cannot talk about it without crying.  However, I know I will see him again some day.  I will be able to share with him the love that I hold in my heart, and in that day, I will, for the first time, truly understand all that God was doing in my life. 

These are a few of the lessons I have learned in the last ten years:

1.  God’s grace is always sufficient.

2.  Romans 8:28 is still true, even when it doesn’t feel true.

3.  Joy  will come in the morning.  The night of weeping may be long, but eventually, the dawn will come.

4.  God loves me.  Enough to send His Son to die for me. 

5.  People really do care, but sometimes they don’t know how to let you know.

6.  Life is uncertain.  Treasure every moment.

7.  God’s plan for your life is good, acceptable, and perfect, even though you may not understand it.

8.  Faith will sustain you through any trial.

Above All

It seems as if the Lord is testing my faith right now.  Testing its length, breadth, width, and depth.  Testing its strengths and weaknesses.  Trying its endurance and perspective.  Stretching me to points that seem painful without giving release from the pressure.  Some days I wonder if I am going pass this testing period, or if I will fail and have to re-take this test again.  Most days, I am not even sure over what exactly I am being tested.

There are days when it seems overwhelming.  Those days when you just cry out, “Lord, I believe!  Help Thou mine unbelief!”  Those days when that proverbial mustard seed just falls out of your pocket, and you are desperately trying to find it, knowing that it is necessary for your survival. 

For without faith, it is really hard  to please God.  No, wait…

Impossible.

It isn’t just hard to please God without faith – it is totally impossible.  You cannot do it.  You must scrounge up that mustard seed of faith and hang onto it for dear life. 

Why is having faith so difficult, so against our nature?  Because faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.  We cannot see what God is doing, and therefore we doubt Him.  We doubt that He is working all things for our good and His glory.  We doubt that He really has everything under control, because it seems so out of control from our perspective.  The sin that so easily besets us is, I believe, the sin of unbelief.  We are all prone to faith failures, and it can happen so quickly.  That mustard seed of faith is so easily replaced with a seed of doubt.  Is God really all He promised to be?  Is He really hearing my prayers?  Is this trial really for my good?

Perhaps you have slightly different questions, and vastly different situations, but if we are honest, we have all been there at one time or another.  Those times when our feelings tell us one thing, and God’s Word tells us another.  What is the answer of faith in trying circumstances?  Be still, and know that I am God.  Know.  Believe.  Trust.  Have faith.  Stop everything.  Focus on the fact that He is God, the all-knowing, all-powerful, everlasting God.  The One Who knows you, sees you, hears you, answers you, and loves you.  The One Who asks you to trust Him and believe that He is everything He said He would be.  The One Who knows the end from the beginning.  The One Who sees the sparrow fall.  He is there.  He is God.  Have faith.

Sometimes this “head knowledge” is denied by the way I live my life.  I am sorry to say that doubt creeps into my heart at times, and I must remind myself of these things.  Thank the Lord for His Word, which gently rebukes and corrects my errant thoughts.  Just yesterday, I was reading in Ephesians 6 about the armor of God.  I don’t know how many times I have read or heard that passage quoted.  In the light of this thought, I noticed something that had never stuck out to me before.  As it lists the pieces of armor we are to wear and carry, it says,

“Above all, taking the shield of faith…” 

I paused in my reading at that point and read it again.  Above all.  More than any other piece of equipment.  The one we absolutely cannot survive without – faith.  I read it , pondered it, and marveled as God spoke to my heart once again.  “Trust Me.  Believe.  Be still and know. Your crisis is a faith crisis.  Above all, you need to know that this is of Me.  That this is for your good.  That I love you, my child.  Just trust Me.”

I wish I could end the story with, “So she did, and she lived happily ever after.”  However, the story is far from over.  It is still being written. My desire is that one day, I will stand before God and hear Him say, “Well done, thou good and faithful servant.”  May God increase my faith.